Grief that can't be spoken

“There’s a grief that can’t bespoken. There’s a pain that goes on and on.” These are words of a song from the musical Les Misérables and they summed up the pain and heartache of a father trying to cope when his son tragically took his own life.  He shared with me his aching heart, his devastation, helplessness, disbelief and a sense of failure and self-blame. He spoke of a throbbing broken heart! He shared with deep emotion an ache that cannot be understood by others, a grief that very few people want to talk about, afraid of saying the wrong thing.  

His relationship with God was challenged and moved back and forth from; there is no God, to I need God more than ever.  But by faith he said; God I need you, I don’t feel anything, I am so numb but I need you. He struggled but determined with God’s help to get through. He spoke of a pain that is unbearable and a peace from God that is indescribable. The years since have taught him that having all the answers to the questions doesn’t take away the pain of loss, rather grief is God’s gift to help work through pain and ultimately to know that there is more to life than this world.

His faith upholds him. He has known the joy of sins forgiven and of having a relationship with God that is open and real and allows for hard questions to be asked and patience in knowing that the answers are not always simple.    

Psalm 42 speaks in words we can understand.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you… Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.”

Talk to someone if you feel despondent.